According to the “scientist” Cliff Arnall and his 2005 formula it is the most depressing day of the year, however he did write this for Sky Travel as part of an advertising campaign leading most scientist to call bullshit on it. I’m not a scientist but I am pretty sure that’s how peer review works. Read the Wikipedia page, very bitter and I like that. So in that spirit I will write some facts for you, just you. You have a pretty mouth. You’re my favourite. I want to hold you. Love you, mean it. Did you get the love heart I made out of human skin for you? That’s my skin you’re touching.
Most the fish didn’t leave the sea because they didn’t believe in evolution.
3% of people love puppet sex.
Women love you screaming one of their sisters name during sex however if you shout your own mothers name while strangling your partner they leave you for a better looking man.
Homeless people are actually street art.
Reading Katie Price novels give you SDIs.
Kelis’ milkshake would have to be bigger than the earth to bring all the boys to the yard.
Smoking makes you 37% cooler. Smoking menthols however has the inverse effect.
Every time you Google something a library dies.
Dark matter is the sequel to the dark crystal whereas Higgs Boson is a 70s odd couple cop show. Higgs is uptight and Boson is a hip cat, the twist is they both love the same women.
A vagina is like a TARDIS, bigger on the inside.
I am just annoyed because I thought that was a fact and it turns out I have been putting mind poison (Kurt Vonnegut reference) out to the cosmos. Sorry cosmos.
No comments:
Post a Comment