I started this blog under the assumption that people would read, enjoy it and hopefully pass it on; ok maybe enjoy is a strong word but I want you to know my intentions were pure. Having spent seconds designing the layout of the site; I simply picked one that was already supplied. The sheer effort was almost staggering. Now that the physically demanding work was done those creative oranges were ready for me to squeeze, have the pulp removed so that finally those famous juices of the muse were ready to flow. I had to strike out, write-up a storm and become a nationally acclaimed blogger and raconteur, but what to write about? Then it hit me with the force of a thousand angry junkies screaming for their BENYLIN® Children’s Apple Flavour Cough Syrup, this could be a place where I could wax lyrical in any format and be profound in my own Ernest Hemingway. (That is brilliant word play, I want to stop and enjoy that. I am brilliant. Well done me. Well-fucking-done.)
So I started writing a small piece about the U.S congress passing a bill that made it illegal to have state aided abortion; not a big deal right? Just makes American more like a Middle Eastern state. Well no, as it turns out they were refusing to give financial aid to neither women who were raped nor the victims of incest but what really took the cake was that somewhere in the feted mind of a congress men they removed the funding for the mentally handicapped women that were raped and left pregnant. It was an attempt at being funny, needless to say it failed. I was angry and my writing was and as you can see still is poor when it comes to this subject. That left me drained like sleepy junkies after a bottle of BENYLIN® Children’s Apple Flavour Cough Syrup, so I refocused on my favourite thing; poetry. This would be a massive mistake and prove almost fatal to this blog and the platonic love I have for the poetic form. (Does this feel dramatic? I hope it dramatic. Drama)
I am not a prolific poet though when I put my mind to it (those parts that weren’t ruined by watching reruns of murder mysteries and being please when I figured out the killer about five minutes into the run time: usually it’s the only actor/actress you recognise) I can puke something up that is passible and doesn’t make me feel a negative emotion because being a man I have three emotion that are understandable: happy, sad and drunk. So off I went with a heart as pure as the high from BENYLIN® Children’s Apple Flavour Cough Syrup to puke something that people would like; here at this point with the mutant power of Dick Radar I can see I had started changing into something. A stats checker; there is a tab on this blog provider to which I became a slave. Starting innocently enough I browsed about the site seeing how I could increase the pleasure of its use but what I found would rock me to me very core. (I hope you are all suitably tense. I am, you should see my tension erection) The site traffic; where it came from, at what time and its general location i.e. the country of origin. I had seen behind the curtain, I had taken the blue pill. I had fallen down the rabbit-hole (if at this point you think I am laying on the references a bit thick; why don’t you start your own blog and complain about my blog. Please don’t that would be cruel and unusual punishment. Though it would be very Inception) and I loved it. My work became very sloppy I just wanted to bang out a quick poem and see how many people would look at it; I was more into the stats than the poetry. I put some piss out into the internet but let’s face it when you’re swimming in semen you don’t care about a bit of piss, so I have left them up safe in the knowledge no one will ever bother to read them. Slowing at first, I stopped posting and the blog was dying then I started trying to be funny and writing and not caring about immediate approval and I came back to this blog with the simple intention to write the thoughts that would not be drank away.
I rediscovered my bromantic love for poetry by re-reading Howl, Kaddish and Other Poems following it up by watching a film based on that poem and the court case that came about after its publication Howl and the taped interviews of Allen Ginsberg talking about why he wrote it; basically he fancied Jack Kerouac and wanted to write like him but could not face the embarrassment of his father reading any of his work in the yet unnamed beat form, the statement ‘I want to write something my father wouldn’t approve of’ stuck to me like drops of BENYLIN® Children’s Apple Flavour Cough Syrup and I wrote some poems and will perform them tomorrow hopefully with a few laughs. I can also safely say that my father would be bloody livid. I am no longer addicted to the stats I can’t say I don’t care if it isn’t read but it’s more about practise and stress relief; a blog reborn and an addict gone. I am off the get some BENYLIN® Children’s Apple Flavour Cough Syrup.
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