The Nonsensical History of the Universe
From before the beginning to about 43 seconds after the end
The universe could not handle how improbable she was. After all she contained nothing, just you try to hold nothing in your hands and see how long you can last before something gets in; really give it a go I can wait. Difficult isn't it? Holding nothing for too long can get really messy, if you keep piling on improbability on greater improbability like say the size of the universe times by lack of anything in her it will cause a mass probability explosion. I have done the Math and it seems sound reasoning.
0x0=explosion.
She will always find a way to balance all probability. Two parts probable to one part improbable with a dash of random chance. Beautifully simple recipe but a volatile one when unbalanced.
All intelligent creatures throughout the universe have fought and killed each other over what they thought happened before the beginning, I really didn't want to be the one to tell you. For two reasons you won't like it and before you know it some kooky group starts hacking and slashing another gaggle of kooks over the way I worded it. But more on science and religion when we get up to that part, we still have to look at why the universe was unbalanced. Boredom, see I knew you wouldn't like the answer; boredom without time mind you is difficult for anyone to deal with, believe me. You need to understand that the first thing to get out of balance is random chance, it spikes quickly and all sorts of things can pop out of nowhere but with nothing to live in they normally die or crumble and get mulched into nothing by probability if she is paying attention but she isn't; and if the tiniest speck of improbability rubs against some random chance then you get something substantial in the universe and if you have something in the universe then to redress the balance it's easier for her to place more things in than to take them out so basically we are all here because boredom drove her to distraction. I for one am happy I am an unwanted miracle but I can imagine lots of you out there are not.
So what was there before the beginning; boredom in a timeless void set on all sides by the inky blackness of nothing and a system of checks and balances that needed constant attention and her waiting getting tired and restless. I would think she let stuff in on purpose if I had not known her all this time. Being the third thing in the universe after a gibbon and a copy of the Metro newspaper. I was early too.
:You are too bloody early, at least your not a gibbon I don't think I would enjoy looking at a small monkey explode again, so soon after the last one at least.
:….....
:Great it's mute whatever it is
;What is a gibbon?
:A monkey.
:What?
:You don't have to worry about them for ages yet.
:What is this?
:2 seconds before the beginning, and too bloody early.
:wh......
A sound as if the universe had exploded ripped through the void and where it passed came radiant hot gases and the elements of life, filled the universe pooled in spots where a greater amount of gravity formed and time could be observed to be passing as things changed travelled as they moved they folded, crashed, burned and finally froze; it was beautiful, almost nothing has looked as good since. That is how it happened.
